Cam Girl, by Leah Raeder
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Cam Girl, by Leah Raeder
Best Ebook Cam Girl, by Leah Raeder
“Darkly erotic…a must read” (Publishers Weekly, starred review) From the USA TODAY bestselling author of Unteachable and Black Iris comes a new, sexy romantic suspense novel about two best friends who are torn apart by a life-shattering accident…and the secrets left behind.Vada Bergen is broke, the black sheep of her family, and moving a thousand miles away from home for grad school, but she’s got the two things she loves most: her art and her best friend—and sometimes more—Ellis Carraway. Ellis and Vada have a friendship so consuming it’s hard to tell where one girl ends and the other begins. It’s intense. It’s a little codependent. And nothing can tear them apart. Until an accident on an icy winter road changes everything. Vada is left deeply scarred, both emotionally and physically. Her once-promising art career is cut short. And Ellis pulls away, unwilling to talk about that night. Everything Vada loved is gone. She’s got nothing left to lose. So when she meets some smooth-talking entrepreneurs who offer to set her up as a cam girl, she can’t say no. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night stripping on webcam, and the “tips” come pouring in. It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question: Can we meet IRL? Blue agrees, on one condition. A condition that will bring back a ghost from her past. Now Vada must confront what she’s been running from. A past full of devastating secrets—those of others and those she’s been keeping from herself…
Cam Girl, by Leah Raeder- Amazon Sales Rank: #269911 in Books
- Published on: 2015-11-03
- Released on: 2015-11-03
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x 1.20" w x 5.31" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 432 pages
Review Praise for Cam Girl:“Raeder’s beautifully broken characters are so full of life that they leap off the page and demand that the reader pay attention to them…it’s a must read for anyone wanting a sexy deep dive into a tangled psyche and a difficult life.” (Publishers Weekly (starred review))"Cam Girl is a beautiful exploration of gender and sexuality that begs readers to question how well we know those closest to us, including ourselves. Raeder's trademark sensual lyricism is in full effect here, but it's the fraught yet tender relationship between Vada and Ellis that will have you glued to the pages until the oh-so-perfect ending." (Dahlia Adler, author of UNDER THE LIGHTS)“Raeder keeps the action moving as readers try to figure out the dual mysteries—what happened on the road that night, and who is Blue?" (Booklist)“Gripping, emotional, relatable, and yes, romantic (in all the best ways) read. Whatever Raeder writes, I will always want to read and recommend.” (RT Magazine)“Raeder’s best book yet. It has the grit, language, and heat you’d expect, but there’s more. Raeder has clearly dug down and bled and studied the mirror to reveal the ugliest and most beautiful parts of herself, and human nature. CAM GIRL is a rich and unflinching narrative.” (Emery Lord, author of Open Road Summer)Praise for Black Iris:"Like an afternoon special on bullying gone impossibly dark, Raeder's dizzyingly intense, drug-addicted queer teenage revenge fantasy takes its reader on a sexy, bloody journey of pure emotion...A twisting timeline dancing over a year's events makes every moment seem both immediate and angrily steeped in memory. Major themes include depression, mania, and the ways that the use and abuse of drugs affect access to the reality of self and the world's essential nature; but the soul-searching always comes in the context of action,everyone around hit by the shrapnel of exploding feelings. This is an exhilarating ride for our inner underdog, craving a taste of what it would feel like to just get back at everyone if we were reckless enough not to care about the consequences." (Publishers Weekly, starred review) "Risky, brave, bold. Heart-breaking, captivating, and sensual. There aren’t enough words to describe this suspenseful powerhouse of a novel. Raeder’s gorgeous prose and raw characters will keep you flipping to the very end. Black Iris is one of the best books I’ve read this year." (Karina Halle New York Times bestselling author)"Intense and visceral, Black Iris is as sharp as a knife and beats with a heart that is double-edged and dangerous." (Lauren Blakely New York Times bestselling author) "Provocative, seductive, and skillfully written, Black Iris is a story that stands out from the crowd." (K.A. Tucker USA Today Bestselling Author)"Raeder masterfully weaves a dark, twisted, dangerously sexy quest for revenge with a raw, honest search for kinship and self-acceptance. Black Iris demands your attention, your heart, and an immediate reread." (Dahlia Adler author of Last Will and Testament)“Equally wicked as it is beautiful. This story is one of the best reads I've read to date. My book hangover afterward was real. It honestly opened my eyes to all things LGBTQIA+ and the importance of treating mental illness. Overall a very note-worthy read that everyone should digest at least once.” (Book Baristas)Praise for Unteachable:"Lyrical, vivid, and poignant, Unteachable is one of best forbidden romances I've ever read." (Lauren Blakely New York Times bestselling author)"Unteachable infuses the complicated dynamics of forbidden sexual tension and untamed passion, all while managing to break your heart. Easily one of my favorite reads." (Gail McHugh New York Times bestselling author)"With lush, haunting prose, deft storytelling and scorching sensuality, Leah Raeder weaves a love story that obliterates convention. The best book I’ve read this year." (M. Pierce bestselling author of the Night Owl Trilogy)"Leah Raeder's writing is skillful and stunning. Unteachable is one of the most beautifully powerful stories of forbidden love that I have ever read." (Mia Sheridan bestselling author of Archer's Voice)
About the Author Leah Raeder is the author of Unteachable, Black Iris, and the forthcoming Cam Girl. Aside from reading her brains out, she enjoys graphic design, video games, fine whiskey, and the art of self-deprecation. She lives with her very own manic pixie dream boy in Chicago. Visit her at LeahRaeder.com.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Cam Girl
—1—
A car crash is a work of art. At first it’s Cubism: the hood folding, doors crumpling, windshield splitting into a mosaic of shattered light, the whole world breaking into shards of color and noise and tumbling around you like a kaleidoscope. Screeching tires and cold air and gasoline and your own scream are all just bits of debris flying around, gorgeous chaos. When the tires stop spinning and the engines die, you’re left sitting in a smashed puzzle of metal and glass, trying to figure out which way the pieces go now, why some are stuck together and won’t come apart. Why there is an eye next to a foot, steel where there should be skin. I listened to a soft dripping and the sigh of steam. By then it had become Surrealism. My hands were puppet hands, one arm bent at a bizarre angle. A deflated airbag lay in my lap like a bloody surgery sheet. The seat belt (I buckled up, I didn’t really want to die) was some kind of medieval bondage device and I clawed at it senselessly before clicking the release button. Then I saw her. Ellis slumped in her seat, limp against the seat belt. Red-gold hair hung in her eyes. She was utterly still. I kicked my door open. Staggered through the electric prongs of the headlights to her side of the car. My right arm was heavy, pulling toward the ground, so I used the left to haul her out. Impressionism now: the dashboard glow dappling her pale skin cyan, black ice reflecting swirls of white starlight. My breath spiraling wildly into the sky. I cried her name as I pulled her onto the road, her legs dragging. “Wake up, Elle. Please, please, wake up.” You idiot, I thought. You know CPR. I brushed her hair off her forehead, leaned close. No warmth on my ear. My right arm had begun to tingle and buzz and it was going to make this difficult. I took a deep breath, but before my mouth met hers she coughed and her eyelids fluttered open. Details became acutely clear, almost Pointillist: stars glittering in her eyes, ruby droplets freckling her skin. I touched her face, smearing the blood. “Vada?” she said weakly. “Can you move?” I couldn’t take my hand off her cheek. “Move your arms. Ellis, move your arms. Okay. Now your legs.” She obeyed. I grabbed her in an awkward one-armed hug but hugging wasn’t enough so I kissed her cheek, her mouth, cupped her face and stared down into it. “Are you okay? There’s so much blood.” I wiped her face again but it only got worse. “Where’s it coming from? Are you hurt?” We both noticed my right arm at the same time. The sleeve of my hoodie ripped to tatters. The sliver of white showing through red near the elbow. “Oh my god,” Elle whispered, her breath musky and sweet. Tequila. I let go of her. The other car. His headlights made an X through ours, a crucifix of light across the blank black night. We were on a highway bridge between nowhere and eternity, the ocean glinting beyond the treetops. The other driver lay sprawled facedown on the ground. My eyes traced the path he’d taken through his windshield, the bloody stripe running over the hood of his Jeep. “Vada,” Ellis said. I dropped to my knees at the man’s side, feeling for breath, pulse. My right arm was completely numb now. When I lifted his head, a warm red gush flooded my palm. “Call 911.” My voice was calm. Elle fumbled in her coat pocket and then at the screen and almost dropped her phone. As I watched I thought, She’s drunk. God, she is so drunk. I took her phone and painted by numbers with the stranger’s blood. “I need an ambulance.” I described the river nearby, the bridge. Elle sank to the ground beside me, those lucid green eyes locked on the body. Her glasses were gone. She couldn’t see how bad it really was. On the asphalt, pieces of skull lay scattered like pottery fragments. Can you tell me what happened? “Car accident. This guy wasn’t wearing a seat belt and he’s . . . on the road.” How many people are hurt? “Three. We’re okay but this guy is—we need an ambulance.” It’s on the way, miss. Is the man breathing? “I don’t think it really matters anymore because I can see his brain.” My voice remained calm but Ellis clapped a hand over her mouth. The dispatcher asked another question. Elle stared at me, horrified, over splayed fingers. In a few hours, she wouldn’t remember any of this. The concussion and the alcohol would blot it out. But not me. I’d never forget. “Vada,” I said. “My name is Vada. I’m the driver.”
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful. Cam Girl By Angie Cam Girl is wow, and woah, and what?! It’s entertaining as well as extremely important. When it starts, Vada and Ellis have just been in a car accident where the other driver died. To say it shook them up is an understatement, and Vada’s whole world starts unraveling. She loses her (more than) best friend, the fine motor control in her right hand, her ability to draw and paint, and her general sense of self. At least until she meets Frankie who hires her on as a cam girl. It’s then that she meets Blue, who becomes more than just a client.I almost gave Cam Girl a 4 or 4.5 because I had figured out the twists and was getting frustrated with Vada for not noticing some things. However, it’s not the twists and reveals that matter. It’s the whys. Those I definitely didn’t figure out. And why these characters are doing what they’re doing is much more interesting and important than what they’re actually doing. I know that’s very vague, but spoilers! My heart was breaking when the truths came to light.Cam Girl has a lot going on. There’s the suspense plot revolving around what really happened the night of the accident. Vada grows close to the father of the other driver, and then he starts behaving oddly. Of course, there’s also the very complicated romance between Vada, Ellis, and Blue, as well as Vada’s struggles with her sexuality. The author goes pretty deep into a lot of issues of identity, both of gender and sexual orientation. There’s a lot of important conversations and inner monologues about both subjects. On top of all of that we also see Vada learning to live with her disability. Lots of good stuff, all handled respectfully.Let’s talk about sex. Obviously Cam Girl is going to have sex. Mostly there’s a lot of solo sex, because that’s essentially Vada’s job. But it definitely goes beyond just touching herself for anonymous men. She does breath play! I certainly was not expecting that! That’s one kink that makes me very nervous (the studio does have an EMT on site at all times). Then there’s the sex between Vada and Ellis, which is holy hell hot. If you’re looking for sweet caresses and gentle petting, this is not that. Those girls know how to go at it!There’s a lot to love about Cam Girl. While it’s sexy and exciting, like I said, it’s also extremely important. It’s messages are ones that we need to see more of. I know I didn’t really talk about what those are, because they are spoilers, and essential to the plot. I guess you’ll just have to read it to find out!*Disclaimer: I received this book from the publisher through NetGalley for review. No compensation was offered or accepted.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. For anyone who is questioning themselves, anyone who found peace in themselves who is looking to feel like they fit in the world By Lucas It’s been about 4 hours since I put the book down, I still feel raw, restless, teary, I still feel that sting in the bridge of my nose a tell tale of my imminent ugly crying face, except is not happening, it’s just there burning.I don’t know how this review is going to end up, I don’t know if this will be an open letter to Leah, the fantastic author, an ode to Ellis and Vada the two faces of the same coin, or if it’s going just to be an emotional rant, but I do know is that whatever this becomes will come from the place my heart and soul is right now. I don’t want it to be mechanical and detached, I’m good at that, it sort of happens when you’ve had to keep your emotions close to your chest during most of the important parts of your life.I have to start saying I wish this book translated to spanish so I can shove it to my mom, my sister, my immediate family that spent so many years rolling their eyes at me, saying I spend too much time thinking about stuff, or most often than not, ignoring me.“Sometimes when you absorb all the hate and cruelty meant for someone else, it gets inside you”Since I cracked the book open (a big feat if you got it on kindle) and I read the dedication “For all the girls I’ve lost” I felt my heart tear, I didn’t have context, I thought about the girls I have loved, the girls I didn’t and the girl that was the hardest to love, myself. Am I lost to myself? I thought I had found me but apparently is hard to keep track.“Names have power. They give contour to ideas. Lines to color inside, or to break free of.”And then the wonderful prose, the painting analogies while creating a whole universe in my head in which my heart was being pulled and controlled by words and feelings and suddenly I was a puppet here, my entire being was consumed by the pain and horror, the relief and love, the darkness and sadness, the sense of loss, the finding of oneself, the facing of fears, the rebuilding and strengthening, the kintsugi of it all.I wanted to tell you my story, to give another layer as to why this book is so damn important, but I think that would mess up the reading experience for someone that’ll dip their toes in the big pool of identity and sexual acceptance. So now I’ll just praise Leah’s work, because there are not enough adjectives to describe how beautiful this story is, how it twists your guts and messes with your feelings. Makes you question how you relate to the world and when a book achieves that, it’s when it’ll change history.I recommend this book to everyone, to anyone who is questioning themselves, to anyone who found peace in themselves, to someone looking for a beautiful story, to someone who is looking to feel like they fit in the world, to you that want to enjoy an incredible story. Read this book, start a conversation, make a change.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. Hauntingly Beautiful By M Wow. Just wow. Leah Raeder's third release Cam Girl is powerful and hauntingly beautiful. "Love is love." When I read this book, I didn't really know what to expect. As I read Cam Girl, that message reverberated in my mind. I knew Leah Raeders books are usually deep and likely strike a chord for some. The writing is powerful and I found myself highlighting lines from nearly every page. My only suggestion to readers is to go into this with an open heart and mind. Try not to open the book with preconceived notions and you'll likely appreciate what a masterpiece it is.As with all of Raeder's books, Cam Girl offers an insightful perspective that resonates deeply. Leah's evocative and poetic prose draws you in and leaves you utterly spellbound. One of the reasons I've never been disappointed with Raeder is the writing although dark at times, it's an honest account of powerful emotions that many people experience, yet few are brave enough to acknowledge. For some, Raeder's books may be seen as controversial, but they are nonetheless captivating. I'm glad there is a writer out here that can connect not only with the LGBTQ community, but she is an author whose voice can transcend gender and sexuality and force people to take a hard look at themselves as well as their perception of others.There is a raw and painful undercurrent that forces you to think, forces you to feel, forces you to connect with these characters. Leah Raeder's writing often gives you a bit of a harsh yet plausible reality check and you're usually left stunned. I read this book in one sitting and could not put it down. I knew from Black Iris and Leah's hilarious tweets that Cam Girl would be different and it definitely was. I stopped thinking in terms of gender and just read about these characters who loved, hurt, and clung to each other for support and hope. It was a poignant reminder of how far we still have to go. I don't make a habit of reading reviews about books I read, but I came across a few that made me wonder if these characters were heterosexual would the ratings have been a bit higher? I'll leave that to you to decide. For me this was a wonderful book. Every character was connected to some piece of Leah's puzzle and by the end you may figure it out as I did, but the way things unravel is always the prize. I implore you to also read the acknowledgments. They always give you bit more of who Leah is and what struggles helped created this amazing author. As with all of Raeder's books, if you really pay attention, you'll learn something. Highly recommend this to all readers.
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